I hate getting up in the morning. There is nothing worse than being aroused from a pleasant slumber with the world’s forces demanding I leave my sanctuary of soft mattress, fortress of pillows, and the perfect set of sheets that took me months to find. And what rocks me from the desperate sleep that I need? An evil invention. Small, but oh so loud and annoying. You may know it as the alarm clock.
Now, I’m not opposed to a device that gets me up when I need to. I’m very punctual that way, but I do have a beef with the sound guy. Whoever thought a high pitched clanging bell or buzz was a good idea should be left on a deserted island surrounded by those buzzers with no off switch in sight.
Of course we can’t rid our lives of alarm clocks, that would be silly. No one would get to work on time, which means no paycheck, which means no rainy day stash for that new pair of shoes that you absolutely have to have despite no outfit in the closet to go with them. So I have a few suggestions on how to improve this little device and hopefully turn my love/hate relationship with them into one of pure joy.
- The Bacon Sizzler
Plug this baby in the night before and at your designated time, it turns on and cooks you up a delicious platter of sizzling bacon. Crispy, burnt, thin, or thick cut, the sumptuous aroma will rouse you to a morning worth getting up for. The options are up to you. Who wouldn’t leap out of bed for bacon?!
A wet nose, wagging tail, and slobbery kisses are just about the cutest thing you can wake up to. The plus side to this option is the call of nature that forces you up to let them out. I prefer a beagle baby, but the breed is entirely your choice.
- A Sigh Worthy Crooner
I’m a sucker for a man who can sing. Frank Sinatra, Josh Groban, Michael Buble, or my latest voice crush Ramin Karimloo. Take your pick. I’d be a happy woman waking up to any of these gentlemen singing sweet nothings at the foot of my bed.