Personality? Check. Good teeth? Of course. Witty? Beyond belief. Bathes regularly? Double check. Computer skills? Sufficient. These are all things you need to score a job. Ok, maybe not good teeth, but having a set of pearly whites never turned off a potential employer. Unless you’re a marauding captain looking for a motley crew in which case personal hygiene is optional. Something tells me all that filth and gum disease would form a cloud of disguise around you to sneak up on unsuspecting victims easier. Kinda like an evil Pig-Pen. So what does it take to join up with a pirating crew? Well, a little more finesse than you would imagine. Ask yourself these questions:
-Am I weapon worthy? Each man being considered for recruitment had to have a pistol, blackpowder, shot, and a sword at minimum. Those with additional weapons were moved to the front of the line. And of course you had to know how to wield those bad boys as they weren’t just for show.
-Do I have mad skills? Believe it or not, pirates were practical men. They got hungry, sick, and lost at sea. To alleviate these problems they recruited a good many doctors, cooks, carpenters, musicians, and the most highly coveted navigator. And when I say recruited I mean forced. If no one stepped forward then merciless interrogations would begin until someone finally flushed out the man of profession. If the professional was feeling particularly benevolent, he would often step forward without a fuss to prevent the rest of his friends from the interrogations of whippings, hangings, and being thrown overboard. Very considerate.
-Am I desperate? It’s not easy being a man of the sea. Long hours, wind and rain, chapped lips, and the constant threat of scurvy. So when a pirate ship attacked another vessel they were quick to offer their fellow brethren of the sea a chance to go a pirating. Pirating or keelhauling. Em, I choose pirating.
– Do I have a death wish? You have to admit that joining a pirate crew takes a certain amount of bravado. A devil may care attitude, if you will. And that’s what it takes. With the constant threat of battle, enemy attacks, an irate captain willing to pull out the cat o’ nine tails, and the law breathing down your neck, the mortality rate for a pirate was high.
What do you think? Are you signing up for the next Jolly Roger to sail past your house, or do you feel more called to a 9 to 5 job? See the world or stare at a cubicle? Fresh wind in your hair or stale coffee in the pot? A musket or a ballpoint pen? Going home to watch Duck Dynasty or walking the plank into shark infested waters? Dear reader, the choice is yours.